HINDUISM MARRIAGE

Marriage

Men washing bridal couple's hands during ceremony

Hindu sacraments are called samskars and the sacraments performed at the time of a wedding are called Vivah Samskar.
This samskar marks the start of the second and the most important stage of life called the Grihistha Ashrama, which involves setting up of a new family unit.
Hinduism teaches that marriage is an important duty for men and women; choosing to stay single (celibate) is not encouraged. A marriage does not just join together a man and a woman, but two extended families. Because of this, arranged marriages have been common in Hinduism with parents introducing people to each other.
Hindu weddings take place at a time chosen according to the horoscopes of both partners. A horoscope is an astrological forecast of a person's future based on the position of the planets and stars at a given moment. In India it would take place at the bride's home, but in the UK it is just as likely that a hall or reception room would be booked, as large numbers of people would be expected to attend.
The bride and her family welcome the groom and his relations. The groom is brought to a specially decorated mandap (canopy).
The bride is given away by her parents who join her hands with those of the groom.
The priest lights a fire to honour the god Agni, and recites mantras in Sanskrit (sacred language of the Hindu scriptures). He invites the groom to make offerings to the fire as certain prayers are said. The groom asks for the marriage to be blessed with children. The bride shares in this act by touching the groom's shoulder.
The end of the bride's sari, which hangs over her shoulder, is tied to her husband's scarf to show that they are joined together. Often the bride puts her foot on a stone to show that she is willing to perform her duties as a wife.
The couple take seven steps around the sacred fire, with the groom's right hand on the bride's right shoulder. This is the main part of the ceremony and is called saptapadi. As the couple walk around the sacred fire they say a prayer at each step asking for the blessings of:

• food
• strength
• wealth
• wisdom and happiness
• children
• good health
• friendship

Types of Hindu Marriage 

 

There are eight types of marriage described in the ancient Hindu text of Manusmriti (Laws of Manu) or "Manava Dharma Shastra":

• Rite of Brahmana (Brahma) - where the father of the bride invites a man learned in the Vedas and a good conduct, and gives his daughter in marriage to him after decking her with jewels and costly garments.


• Rite of the Gods (Daiva) - where the daughter is groomed with ornaments and given to a priest who duly officiates at a sacrifice during the course of its performance of this rite.


• Rite of the Rishis (Arsha) - when the father gives away his daughter after receiving a cow and a bull from the brightgroom.


• Rite of the Prajapati - (Prajapatya) where the father gives away his daugher after blessing the couple with the text "May both of you perform together your duties"


• Rite of the Asuras (Demons) - when the bridegroom receives a maiden after bestowing wealth to the kinsmen and to the bride according to his own will.


• Rite of the Gandharva - the voluntary union of a maiden and her lover, which arises from desire and sexual intercourse for its purpose.


• Rite of the Rakshasa - forcible abduction of a maiden from her home after her kinsmen have been slain or wounded and their houses broken open.


• Rite of the Pisaka - when a man by stealth seduces a girl who is sleeping or intoxicated or is mentally disbalanced or handicapped.

 Wedding Day

Welcoming of the bridegroom: The bride's father and other members of the family ceremoniously welcome the bridegroom to the marriage hall.

Panigrahana: The priest sanctifies the ceremonial area, and ties a loop of sacred grass on the bridegroom's finger.

Kasi Yatra: The bride's father symbolically disengaes the bridegroom from the pursuits of asceticism.  This pursuit is symbolically represented by his journey towards Kasi, the seat of Vedic culture.  The bride's father advies the groom not to pursue asceticism, tells him of the greatness of marriage, and offers his daughter as the bride.

Exchange of garlands: The bride and groom exchange garlands three times.

Oojnal: The couple is seated on an oojnal, or swing, as the ladies do dristhi, a ceremony where they ward off the evil spirits.  The bride and groom swing in the oojnal, which represents happiness and harmony, which the couple will experience while navigating the "waves of life".

Kannika Dhanam: The bride's hand is placed in the groom's right palm, and the bride's father offers her to the groom.  The thali, holy gold thread, is taken around the marriage hall to be blessed by the crowd.  The thali or Mangalyam  is the thread or necklace that the groom puts around the bride's neck.  After tying three knots, they are officially married.  If the bride has an older sister, she helps tie the knots with the groom.

Thali Ceremony or Mangalya Dharanam: The groom ties the thali around the bride's neck.  This is the climax of the wedding and is usually signaled by the priest saying, "Gettimelam Gettimelam," indicating that the musicians should play a tune that is associated with this ceremony.  This rite is done amidst chanting of prayers, ringing of bells, rising music, and the noise of the crowd.

Sapta Padi: Literally, "Seven Steps".  Holding the bride's hand, the groom walks seven steps with her around the ceremonial fire.  The prayers recited at this time mean, "You who have walked seven steps with me, become my companion, whereby I acquire your friendship.  We shall be of one mind."  If you are wondering why everything is done in odd numbers, it is because, according to South Indian tradition, luck is present in certain numbers--and they are usually odd numbers.

Treading on grindstone: The groom places the bride's foot on a granite stone to indicate the firmness of her love and faith.  The groom places a silver ring on her toe, indicating his love and faith toward her.

Homam: The married couple offers grain to the Fire God, Agni.

Asheervadham: After the marriage ceremony, the priest, parents, family and guests offer their blessing to the couple by sprinkling them with grains of rice to wish them prosperity and happiness.  This couple prostrate before the various members of family and guests to receive the blessing.

Of course, there are several more steps involved depending on how the families decide to plan the wedding.  Usually, orthodox families will incorporate several other poojas into the marriage process depending on thier beliefs.  Moreover, parents do not arrange all South Indian weddings--especially for South Indians living in the United States.  Nowadays, more people are finding it acceptable to find partners themselves; the Indian community is accepting and allowing love marriages.  However, this has not led to a decline of traditional South Indian marriages.  If the marriage is between two persons of Hindu origin, the families still manage to incorporate all the traditional ceremonies in the marriage.  Often, there are compromises between families as they decide which ceremonies will be performed, which ones will be removed, and which ones will be altered. I was lucky to witness a fairly traditional South Indian marriage recently.  The marriage of Nithya, my cousin, and Nirmalan took place the afternoon of April 8, 2001, at the Pearl River Hilton in New York.  This was not an aranged marriage; Nithya met Nirmalan at college and fell in love.  Moreover, this wedding was not restricted to traditional South Indian practices.  Since the groom was Sri Lankan, there was a mixture of cultures.  Moreover, since the wedding took place in the United Sates, it incorporated several elements that would not have been present in a typical South Indian wedding.
First, the marriage ceremony included all the ceremonies listed above, but was quite condensed.  Usually, Indian marriages last for days and include crowds that go into the several hundreds.  However, Nithya's marriage was a relatively samll and short ceremony--only about 200 people attended, and the actually ceremony lasted for about three hours.  Moreover, there were Sri Lankan elements mixed into the wedding.  The groom wore a headdress and sat facing the bride (for most of the ceremonies), as is typical of Sri Lankan marriages.
From the moment I arrived at the wedding hall, preparations were underway.  Typically, in South India, the bride's family arrives early, involves themselves in the prepartion of the mandapam (the place where the wedding takes place) and brings all the necessary items.  They work closely with the priest to make sure that he has everything he needs for the wedding.  Except for the setting in the Hilton Hotel and the crowd (which included Indians and Americans), the wedding was very close to a typical South Indian wedding.
However, the reception at night was a very different story.  A typical South Indian reception is not very elaborate.  There is some traditional music--usually Carnatic music--mixed with some songs from the movies.  The newlyweds stand next to a podium and receive gifts and mingle with the families.  There are some festivities as dinner is served.  However, Nithya's wedding reception was more western.  As we were seated at the tables--which included wine and champagne--the bride and groom came out into the hall.  Then the DJ announced that they would dance to Etta James' "At Last".  As they slow daned, they even kissed--this is unheard of in a traditional South Indian wedding!  In addition, the bride's brother, the groom's brother, and the best man (also a western tradition) prepared speeches that were delivered after the slow dance.  Moreover, the bride and groom prepared speeches about each other where they spoke about their feelins for each other as they had evolved during the past year.  After dinner, there was a lot of dancing and drinking--this typical of a North Indian wedding while South Indian wedding are often far more restricted.

 Marriage Ceremony

In Hindu culture, marriage is one of the most important sanskaras or rites of passage that a Hindu observes during his or her lifetime. Briefly stated, the marriage or the Vivaah Sanskar is the transition from the first stage of life, devoted to education and learning, to the second stage of life, devoted to building a household and raising children. The married couple pursues Dharma, performing the righteous duty, Artha, the acquisition of wealth and Kama, the enjoyment of natural desires. They lead a productive life of work, service and enjoyment, fulfilling various duties and obligations towards themselves, their families and society at large.In Hindu scripture, marriage is a sacrament with strong moral and ethical values. It is meant to unite the bride and the groom firmly so that they essentially become one in soul and spirit.
The Hindu marriage ceremony is primarily based on the marriage of Surya, the daughter of Savita (The Sun) to Ashwinikumar, as described in the Rig-Veda, one of the oldest Hindu scriptures.  After Ashwinikumar wins the chariot race, Savita gives away the bride in a splendid ceremony. It is written in Sanskrit, one of the oldest language in the world.

Think of the actual wedding ceremony as if it were a romantic story, where the bride and the groom come to the Mandap, separately, as if unknown to each other. Then they fall in love and ask the parents' permission to get married. We explain them what the Hindu marriage means and they accept the obligations that go with it.  During the various rituals, the couple commits to remain faithful to each other and repeat the pledge in front of the Fire God, the Agni and all the witnesses. Then, they walk seven steps together commiting to seven marriage vows to each other, about their future life together. We all bless them and wish them a very happy life and they leave the Mandap as a newly married couple!

The traditional hosts for the ceremony are the bride’s parents. The groom and his family are the guests arriving from outside to the Mandap. The ceremony revolves around the bride and her transition to the in law’s home. The ceremony depicts the transition for the Bride and the Groom, from the first stage of their lives, Brahmacharyashram, to the second stage of their lives, Grahasthashram. It takes you thru the logical steps of first meeting of the bride and the groom, their decision to get married, bride’s parents giving away the bride, the couple committing to marriage in front of the sacred fire, bride’s transition to her in-law’s home, the couple taking the seven vows and the friends and families blessing the newly wedded couple.

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STEPS FOR A HINDUISM CEREMONY

         Part One  

1. Reception of the bridegroom and his parents by the bride’s parents at the entrance gate of the hall.
2. The reception of the bridegroom on the stage and giving of presents by bride’s father.
3. Bride’s parents give their daughter away to the bridegroom  

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